Creating Peace Through Balance

How Yelling at God Freed My Soul

The fact that I spend a large part of my life helping people to align with their Soul and embrace all that means, doesn’t meant that I have not had my share of difficult times. I share this as a tribute to my own process, and also to offer hope and assistance to anyone who might resonate.

First, it’s ok to admit it that there have been times in your life where you just wanted to yell and scream at the Creator for some situation that you find yourself in. We’ve all been there, whether we admit it or not. There was a time in my life where I was so distraught and unhappy that I was not sure I would or could go on. It was a point where the world had been turned upside down and shaken until nothing made sense. There was part of me that knew I would understand in the future, but the vast majority of me was not willing to wait and see how that turned out.

That was when I received one of those nuggets of wisdom that changed my life forever. A friend said to me, “Theresa, you know, it is ok to yell at God.” My instinct was to hide behind the nearest chair and wait for the lighting strike. However, the nearest chair was metal, and my shoes would not have properly grounded me. (I guess I was more willing to go on than I originally realized…)


Image ©Vance Osterhout/Unsplash

For a few days, these words swirled around my head. Again my world was rocked. My indoctrination had taught me that I was subservient to God, that God was a HE, and that my only choice was to deal with whatever he chose that I had to deal with. I was also taught through example that my voice didn’t matter as much as the voice of a male. (I’ll save all of that for another day…)

Yet my own personal experience with God was nothing like this. God had always been a loving presence in my life that gently guided my path when I was willing to listen. If I was being honest, it was when I didn’t listen to the gentle nudging that things got tough. At that moment, I was pretty angry at just how tough the path had gotten. My friend’s advice was forcing me to look at the gap between what I had been taught and what I had experienced, personally. Which was more real?

One day, I got in my car, ready to go for a short drive and began speaking out loud with the words, “I am REALLY mad at You.” That was all I needed. The floodgates opened and emotion that I had been holding in because it wasn’t “proper” to feel this way toward God rolled out of me. I yelled, screamed and cursed. I even drove the long way so that I could be sure I had enough time to get everything out.

Guess what? I felt SO MUCH better! Yet, I waited a few extra minutes before getting out because the car was properly grounded, should lightning strike. Nothing happened.

By the time I got back in the car, I had remembered other reasons why I was angry and some of the old ones were back. For a period of months, poor God had to hear me yell and scream every time I drove ANYWHERE. And each time, the Divine held me as though I was a child throwing a tantrum—with Love and enough force to prevent me from hurting myself.

By end of this time period, my relationship with the Divine had irreversibly changed. I realized that it was ok to have a voice as I began to share the emotions that had seemed so taboo just a few months before. I came to understand Unconditional Love in a deeply personal way. No matter how cruel I was with my words, the Divine just kept flooding me with Love and Blessings (and the occasional lesson, of course.) I came to understand how silly I had been to swallow my anger and feel such deep shame for having it—after all, if GOD couldn’t handle me in my anger, who could?

This experience freed my Soul in so many ways. It allowed me to get really vulnerable with my Creator. It allowed me to voice what I had previously thought un-voice-able. I allowed myself to be held in the arms of the Divine. I released all of the feelings that would otherwise have been stored in my body and eaten me up from the inside. Above all, it offered me the chance to change a relationship. Instead of being afraid and subservient to my God, we became friends. I invited God in. I allowed the Divine to see the most shameful parts of me, and the Divine never let me go. I was instead held tighter and shown more Love than I can even comprehend or adequately express.

It had been a while since I felt this sort of rage toward the Creator, but recently, it was back. I started, as always, “I am REALLY mad at you,” and went from there. I was quickly freed and healed of the pain I was feeling and was able to comprehend the deepest Love on a whole new level.

The next time that you are in a situation where everyone’s only answer to you (including yours) is, “Well, everything happens for a reason,” or “God works in mysterious ways,” forget all of that and tell the Divine how you really feel. I promise you that it will be one of the most liberating and transformative actions you’ve ever taken.