© Jake Ingle/Unsplash
The Universe puts people in our path all the time, and for good reason. They are like the breadcrumbs dropped into our lives in order to keep us on the path that leads us Home. It seems to be one of those systems of checks and balances that make our existences much more pleasurable, increase our sense of awe, and constantly remind us that we are seen, heard, and taken care of.
Why Have I Not Experienced This?
If you are here, you are probably one of the highly sensitive and empathetic people on this planet, just like me. This means that we experience things on a much deeper level than the other 80% of the population, and that we are able to feel the needs and emotions of other beings. It’s kind of our superpower. Yet, for this exact reason, we, the highly sensitive empaths of the world, often cut ourselves off from other people without really meaning to.
Feeling other people’s pain points and emotions can be difficult and taxing to our systems—more often than not, leaving us feeling tired and depleted. This causes us to want to hide out in our safe spaces where we know the “energy is good,” where we can be alone, or where we can simply recharge. At some point in our lives, we each began to isolate to some degree in order to survive.
Most of us who identify as empaths also have some degree of innate healing ability. If you don’t believe me, think back over your life and all of the times that you were simply doing a chore like grocery shopping when someone approached you to tell you their deepest, darkest secrets. They dump their baggage on you and skip off, feeling happier and freer than they have in a long time, while you are left there mired in their emotional sludge.
We are natural healers, and people are attracted to us because of it. They might not know why, but they do know that they will feel better just by being around us. We never tell them that dumping on us is not ok, because we avoid conflict at all costs. We are protecting them from feeling bad about their actions, as well as protecting ourselves from feeling them feeling bad about their actions. Who needs that?
The truly difficult part in all of this is that as humans, we are social creatures who are wired to connect. We need others in order to feel whole because each person mirrors pieces of ourselves back to us. So, while we feel the need to protect ourselves and our energy, the single biggest desire that I hear from any highly sensitive person is the longing for aligned community. More specifically, the desire for others who understand how deeply sensitive we are and who can handle the totality of that without feeling we are too much.
Why Do I Feel Disconnected From Others?
When we stay in our safe space or at home for an extended period of time, we begin to feel off-purpose and disconnected. If we are not around other people often, our innate superpowers of deep feeling and healing are not being utilized and we are not impacting the world in the way we desire. Ironic, since we are isolating to avoid the very things that are our superpowers, isn’t it?
My own experience of being super-empathetic has shown me that shutting it down, putting a lid on it, muscling through, trying to be less sensitive, sucking-it-up, and every other action you’ve ever been advised to take doesn’t work for very long. Trust me, I’ve tried them all. You are who you are for a reason, and, given enough time, Universe will show you why and prove to you that you are always supported.
The other day, I left the house against my better judgment and found myself on a train headed into the city. It was a Friday, so I was partially open to going because there is a gentleman who plays the steel drums at the train station every Friday. About halfway there, I broke out in a cold sweat because I realized that I had seen him a few days earlier, on Tuesday, so the days on his permit might have gotten changed.
I should tell you that this man has a smile that has the power to light up the darkest of places. I always look forward to seeing him smile and hearing his beautiful music. He is a member of my Soul Family— those people that you instantly recognize when you see them or feel their energy—and I knew it the first moment I saw him. I felt that I had known him for a long time and that he was capable of understanding what it is like to always be expected to be the giver, just through his level of presence.
I should also tell you that I am usually very good with self-care and making sure that I am well-resourced, but it had been a rough week, and I was headed for a stressful day filled with other people’s needs. Suddenly, the thought of facing the day without the warmth of that miraculous smile became completely unbearable—to the point where I contemplated turning around and taking the next train back home.
When I arrived at the station, I didn’t hear his music. I gathered my strength and pressed on, gritting my teeth. As I rounded the corner, there he was, preparing his next song. Relief.
As I approached his performance area, I read the handmade FREE HUGS sign posted on his steel drum case, as if for the first time. I had never before paused to think that it was meant for me because I am always the one giving the hugs. On this day, as the voice in my head tried to convince me that I was not supposed to be the receiver, but only the giver, my own voice said, “Not today.”
I paused, instead of just walking past while offering my most blindingly appreciative smile as was my usual practice. I looked him in the eyes, pointed to his sign, and opened my arms. Before I could blink, he was embracing me, giving me a huge kiss on the cheek. BONUS. I got to tell him how grateful I am for his smile, and how it illuminates my day.
Then the miracle. He shared how I impacted his day when I walked past him, as well. I had no idea that I touched his heart in the same way he touched mine. Humanity. We often overlook the powerful simple things we do, almost automatically, and how can affect change just by being present and truly seeing another person.
This particular day was a chance for each of us to be both the giver and the receiver. We had met a match and could be in the totality of who we are together, if just for a moment. This is Soul Family—someone who gets it, gets you, and understands what it is like to be in your shoes.
You Are Not Terminally Unique
For the first time, on this day, I noticed the tears that were tattooed at the outside edges of his eyes, and I wondered what this beautiful soul had to live through in this lifetime in order to be able to be such a channel of love and grace. The struggle is real, and how we choose to handle it determines how deeply we get to live our purpose. And, in my opinion, it takes a pretty enlightened person to be able to shift the course of another person’s day with a song and a smile.
I could have chosen to stay home that day. It would have been a lot easier. But the Divine shows itself to me in the faces and embraces of others, and they rarely show up at my door.
Universe always knows exactly what each of us is going through, anticipates our needs, and strategically places people—like recharging stations—throughout our days. It’s up to us to be open to leaving our safe spaces in order to encounter them. And when we are brave enough to do so, we are filled up, fortified, and seen by the eyes of the Divine existing in another human being. In this way, we create new safe spaces for ourselves throughout the world.