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We’ve all fallen victim to crab mentality, but very few of us actually know what it is. Here’s the scoop: If you put crabs in a bucket (suspension of disbelief here—I have no idea why you would put crabs in a bucket, either) every one of those crabs is perfectly capable of escaping on its own. There is an odd phenomenon that occurs, though. Every time one of the crabs gets close to getting out, the others pull it back in. No one escapes, even if it means pulling a leg or a claw off in the process.
We experience this phenomenon, as well—often at family gatherings or when spending time with friends we haven’t seen in a while. Becoming aware of it and giving it a name helps us to recognize it when it occurs and enables us to be properly sourced before going into a situation where the potential exists.
There are a few this we need to look at in terms of the why:
• This is really old instinctual stuff. We have been born into a human race that still has tribe survival instincts. So, as a member of the tribe leaves, the other members seek to pull him/her/them back in. There is safety in numbers. If there are a lot of beings like you in one place, it's less likely that you'll be singled out. Also, larger numbers give you better odds in a fight.
So, you can see from this instinctual perspective how this could make sense if the tribe senses someone pulling away.
When we're around people that we don’t see that often, they can see first-hand the cumulative effects of the shifts and changes that happen incrementally for us. Sometimes, the ability to understand who we are or what we're doing eludes them, so they they seek to pull us back into old behaviors and old conversations in order to bring forth a previous imprint that they can relate to. Pulling us back into that bucket and goading us into old behaviors is an attempt to shift our vibration to one that's more comfortable to them.
• We are not ready to go within. As we see someone grow and evolve, we sometimes wonder if we will ever get there. We naturally begin to look at the places in ourselves where we're stuck. The places where our fears win. The places where there’s shame. The places we are scared. When others see us changing, it triggers these things in them, bringing them to light. They have to start exploring what doesn't fit, and sometimes they just don't feel they have the space, the strength, the energy, or the ability to do that.
And then it dawns on them: If I hold the other person back, I don't have to face that in myself.
• People just don’t want to change. Think back. Most likely, your greatest periods of growth haven’t been because you wanted to change your whole life. It’s highly probable that the decision was made for you by situations that might have brought you to your knees.
Getting us to meet them where they are, vibrationally, is a very popular way people avoid having to shift to get to where we are. The ways people do this things can be very creative and subtle (or not).
Face it, if you are reading this, you are a feeler. You can walk into a place and feel everyone's mood, or in this case, discomfort. So, as empathetic people, we seek to remedy that—not only because we don't want other people to feel uncomfortable but because we don't want to feel the discomfort that they're feeling PLUS OUR OWN!
It can sometimes feel much easier just to agree to be the people others want us to be instead of being this people we’ve become.Yet when we go backwards, we feel bad, guilty, and ashamed because we were so quick to give ourselves away. This requires a lot of self-awareness and care. We need to be gentle with ourselves when it happens because that is how we recover and learn.
• Fear of what is outside the bucket. Again, old instinctual stuff. We fear the unknown, though most of us who have chosen a spiritual path have wrestled with this over time and now it has less of a hold on us than it used to. And even for us this can still be difficult! (In my observation, the biggest place we, as humans, get tripped up with this is around money. Check in with yourself. Did my use of the word money just make you cringe? More on this at another time…)
It can be this fear that seeks to hold others back because we are afraid for them.
So what’s the solution!?!?!
Compassion.
Yup.
Understanding the why allows us to be aware of when crab mentality is happening, and facilitates our ability to move into the energy of compassion. This is what is going to get us through. If we can see uncle Mel trying to goad us into an argument as a behavior that comes from his fear of having to take the next step into a new or better version of himself, we can really see him where he is, and that allows us to stay out of anger and frustration.
Compassion works in all directions, and when we fall down, we need to have self-compassion and a plan to pick ourselves up. Here are a couple of suggestions:
• Carry a picture of someone you look up to—a person, saint, deity—someone you aspire to be more like. When you feel yourself going down the rabbit hole of reaction, take a break, look at the picture, remember the qualities that person has that you admire, and embody them yourself. Go back once you feel grounded in that.
• Phone a friend. Have someone that knows and loves you as you are today on standby. Tell them that you are going into a situation where you might need to be reminded of who you are, and ask them if they would to do so, should you need it. Call said friend as often as needed during the event. (This works really well when this is reciprocal!)
• Revere the Power of sense memory. These memories are even more potent for the highly sensitive, and especially around the end-of-year Holidays. Just the smell of cookies baking can transport us right back in time, and suddenly we are actually operating as our 5-year-old selves, viewing people and the world the way we did then. Recognizing this can help us to make a choice instead of being swept away in that version of ourselves.
Understanding crab mentality is a huge step on the path to being able to hold our own energy and maintaining sovereignty. It also enables us to give other people the dignity of their own processes while we are in ours.
The most effective way to create change is to be able to hold steady in your own vibration and keep inviting people to meet you in a new and different experience. Traditionally, we walk into a room and adjust our energy to what’s already there, but it's time for us to allow—no, to insist—the room to adjust to us, instead. You will know right away who's willing to meet you and who's not. If they're not, you don't have to worry. Just detach with love and respect, because they’ve chosen to decline your loving invitation.
This is a very powerful shift, and one designed for those of us who know we are here to make an impact—big or small.
Remember, just as every single crab is perfectly equipped on its own to escape the bucket, every single person is equipped to work their own ascension path. To change their energy. To change the things in their lives that don't feel good anymore. And as we shift and change, they will be inspired to do the same. They might rise to the occasion, or they might seek to bring us back down because they aren’t sure how. But now we know better, and we don’t have to go.